Bad things happened if I wasn't a good little girl, who was the special girl, who did the things that she was supposed to do,' she explained. 'I had this mechanism with men where I thought I had to be really small. 'I could remember things, but my life in a lot of ways was a blur.'Ī version of herself she calls 'Little Anna' - who employed baby talk - would mostly come out when she was dealing with men, or if she had to express a need for something. She would go on autopilot, and suddenly it would be hours later and she would be at home. so I just felt really comfortable in my body.' You are fragmented versions of yourself,' she explained. 'The reason that the brain splits in this regard, it's always a protective mechanism.'įor example, she went on, 'If I'm on a red carpet, I have to say everything just right. But my nervous system was so overwhelmed by people, humans around me. 'You are not multiple personalities when you experience DID. That's unkind to your body.'Įven as she rose to fame on 90210, she was unknowingly struggling with dissociative identity disorder, or DID, which meant there were multiple versions of herself that would come out in various situations. We have pain for a reason, it's to let us know something's wrong. And you don't win awards for having a high tolerance for pain. 'People laugh and say, "Oh, I have a high tolerance for pain," you should ask yourself why. 'The level of torture that I went through as a child that I now remember was so horrific that my brain said no, she can't feel, so we're gonna shut off feeling. 'A big part of BDSM for me was just trying to feel anything in my body at all,' she admitted. 'Because our beautiful brains that put pain and pleasure together to try to help us, ended up keeping me in a body that would go on to abuse herself for a very long time. 'I was opening up Pandora's box sexually without consciously knowing why I might like these things, why they might turn me on the way they did,' she said. You are fragmented versions of yourself,' she explained She also entered into a 'very sexual' relationship with a man that involved lots of BDSM.
She struggled with depression and anxiety, eventually turning to self-harming like cutting herself, explaining: 'The self harming started just because I couldn't feel anything.' If you like a dude, cool, but make that a super lowkey thing,' she said. You make your mark on the world, that's what you're here for. It was during that time that she was abused, though she had no memory of it until she was 31 years old.Īt 15, she left home and began working as a model, and recalls turning herself off to any deep human connection.
'We packed that trailer up and we rolled it down the freeway,' she told host Alex Cooper. 'A big part of BDSM for me was just trying to feel anything in my body at all,' she admittedĪnnaLynne said she grew up moving around from trailer park to trailer park with her mother and sisters.
She said that she endured so much that her body just stopped feeling pain, so as an adult she'd self-harm and participate in physically harmful sexual behavior.
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